The other day I did something everyone should do every once in a while (whouou what an intro!).
Let me dig into that. As you may or may not know, I had been jumping from country to country in the past 10 years, and through the magic of the technology (Plaxo, Blackberry, Google, Pen&Paper, SIM change and Excel!) I have kept almost all the phone numbers I use to need.
As my beautiful intro said, yesterday I scrolled through the endless list of contacts in my phone, and I actually realized that it serves as a kind of History scroll. Really, it end up facing a souvenir box that you buried over the past years, and upon your scrolling, I just revived my past moments.
Let me give you a few examples of the numbers I just scrolled by:
Anyhow, I believe my point is made. It is time to clean up the directory, exit the time capsule and get back to real life. I mean life where you get new numbers.
Just got a sanity check. A real life kick in the nuts.
Sometime I just realize how a mess my life is looking like a mess. Ok, let me rephrase that. How my interaction with the other sex (in my very case - ladies) is a fucking mess.
I had been having a that relationship we all had. You know that life changing relationship that you never wanna give up. That one you know when it is going to stop is going to leave some serious evidences of trouble to the extend that Grissom and his boys won't need a TV show. That kind. So I just exited (or been exited more exactly) of that relationship a little over a year ago.
Since then, I am a mess.
I mean I am fine on a attitude perspective. Not down (anymore!), happy living, outgoing and overall happy (weird to even write that). But (and to relate to my previous post), I feel a ghostly presence over me that just prevent me to move on. Regrets, heart punch, useless hope and impression you screwed up (which I did!).
So I am a mess because I am just unable to get back properly on track with the dating game. But honestly, that I could live with. The sanity check I just faced is more of a "I am a mess, hence I am hurting and fucking people over unwillingly". Kind of a Katarina syndrome. And that I feel bad coz I never meant to hurt anyone in my healing process. Which happened. One too many time.
So, what is it that I am left with? A fucking mess. I guess I might just have to call out those Grissom's guys to help me find out the way out.
Disregarding our popular belief, it is an absolute fact that everyone on earth is haunted by ghosts.
Alright, now I have a few lines to explain that huge overstatement. I am pretty sure that when you are wandering in the street window-shopping (trying to relate to the XMAS experience) or alternatively in a large crowd such as concert, queuing for Avatar or in line for the toilets in disco, DO NOT TELL ME that you never had the impression of seeing someone special in your peripheral vision. That special someone being the ghost of THE ex-gf/bf. That one experience that went beyond the traditional bound of gf/bf nowadays. That experience that -in a word- transformed you, and that you will have regrets your entire life. And the ghost of that person can just appear everywhere.
Everyone (being in couple or not at the present time) has one like that. But let's make no mistake,this kind of ghosts have several "levels". Let's dive into that:
LEVEL1: 0-6 months post final break up.
You just broke up with that formidable someone (or got dumped alternatively). Like all of us, you are digging your own grave with anger attitude, hate-the-world behavior and depending and your weight, over-eating or becoming anemic (I obviously overlook the alcohol problem). But all of that is not the point. Ghosts during that period are very seldom. They do not materialize. They are elsewhere doing something more ghostly than haunting you. If you see that ghost, there is a good chance it is actually not a ghost, but the the flesh and bone person. (in that case, my personal advice, RUN).
LEVEL 2: 6-12 months post final break up.
Whatever the ghost was doing previoulsy, it is now fully focus on one thing. You. The initial trauma is now gone. You just have a slight permanent bleeding in your heart, which I suspect attract the ghosts. So you see them everywhere. Avatar, Starbuck, concert, planes, car crossing, runners, school, work, stalking you, background of your photos, friends of friends, train, and god knows where. They are just everywhere. So my personal advice is that you should not believe in ghost just now.
LEVEL3: post year final break up.
Ghosts start to behave like real ghosts, i.e, you don't know when they will appear, why they appear, they disappear as soon as you try to chase them, and their frequency is usually from once per 15 days to once per month. But it feels so damn real. This is usually when you start realizing that you shall move on. One way (finally give up on lost hope) or another (starting to think o getting a new GF/BF).
so ghostly enough for You ?
As some of you may know, I had been spending a reasonable amount of time traveling in the past 10 years (for the complete pedigree, just be imaginative), and among that traveling, a good share of it has been airborne.
I always loved airport. Really, maybe it comes from that cliche where the 2 loved one are cheesily falling into each others arms, or a more morbid approach which could be the insane hope to see either a live shooting or a plane falling from the sky. Last thing I see potentially attractive about airport is the every-(wo)man-fantasm to hit in a beautiful pilot (disregarding the gender). I really dont know. Anyhow, I like airport (even though I wont go there on Saturday afternoon to buy an over priced sandwich). My point is done.
But one has to keep in mind that airport are complex organizations, a bit of a matrix of its own, and out of that I see a certain amount of points that I would need clarifications from.
[PART I]
I know I should not start by this, but I hate when just about everyone is sat in the plane, belts buckled up and all senses pumped in the expectation of the nearby take off, and suddenly the pilot (or whoever intern is impersonating him/her) is "due to the late arrival of some of the passengers, we will hold our take off for a few minutes". Which is the exact same time when he (or the intern) decide to shut of the AC system. So you wait for a bunch of assholes, sweating like a pig in a plane full of strangers who previously started to pray for the imminent take off. Beautiful picture. So question, why do we have to wait for late passengers? I am rather sure that if I was the one to be late (because I would be wandering in the duty free finding the perfect bottle of wine (yah I am French) or looking hopelessly to an endless shelves of Ipod and Macs (I do have the same ipod and mac for the past 5 years, it has to be some kind of record no?), the plane would have left unceremouniously (I know long brackets!).
Alternatively, if the assholes are finally boarding, none of them will ever have a word of excuse but rather a it-is-a-good-thing-you-waited-for-us-because-we-re-cool look on their face. As if they had the right to be late and stare at all of us, early passengers, looking like a bunch of sweaty praying pigs. At that particulat moment in the space contenum time, anyone should experience a feeling of pure hatred.
So as a conclusion for that first part, well, either do not wait for late folks (unless she / he is hot like a turbo engine of a A380), or if we wait for them, asa they board, let's kill them and stuff them in the landing gears compartment. Seriously.
That being said, I will check those Ipods and macs once more.
Finally, I could not wait 2010. I could not. Really I could not.
It has been more than 3 years I closed my older blog (South east of Bob-i-licious - disappeared from the cyberpunkspace no worries I am safe), and for 3 years I did not feel any urge to write, or speak, or anything else. But like everyone I had been through shit storm in those past 3 years. Things I would have liked to share, things I will forever keep for me, and overall three years of extra XP as the god-knows-which-RPG-those-kids-are-playing-these-days would say.
Anyway, since a couple of weeks; the envy is back. I don't know why, I don't know how nor where it will take me, but I will give it a take.
Take 2. That is.
Take 2 simpler. Even though I have twitter, facebook, flickr, and even another blog. I wont go through all the gizmos a blog has to have. No. I want to have this place focus on one thing. Writing. And eventually reading.
So without any further ramblings, I drop myself into the cold sharkish water of the blog-ego-sphere.
See you there.
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